The first time in all the years I've lived I did the most hardest , scariest thing of my life... OPENING UP, I never expressed or opened up about my self or life to anyone like I've always talk about my moods and the things that bother me. tonight we celebrated a birthday & bonded with some amazing LGBTQ friends we decided to share trauma bonds with each other I personally don’t talk about myself for the feeling of being invisible & not understood in the eyes of another human. feeling as if world looks at me in confusion of a unwelcoming face spoken words such as “it’s okay” & “strong” made me really upset when people didn’t even know pain
just slowly watching me drown. Truth be told the times I would randomly speak I want you to remember my face not for being labeled as friendly, weird or strange. Times spoken I’ve contemplated on those being my last days taking a breath writing on thousand of different papers not know how I'm going to dismiss this cold world or lost moments of awkwardness wondering how the world would be at ease. If you see me speak , it’s not acting strange , but the way the world would stare at me... I felt so much Hate . The unspoken voices and the get out my ways don’t even know I would think about how many pills to take today. Space that wasn’t earth but souls been broken feeling so unnoticed , a hopeless , breathless human trying to survive the motion . How many days went by I would lay in the bathroom with a knife hoping to hear my loud obnoxious cries just filled silent creaks and preparation of trying to send goodbyes . For my Good grandmas favorite church song intensive pain in my eyes knowing I don’t want to let go of the knife can’t shake this broken life. Personal guardian angel watching me every day drop to my knees ain’t believe in no god so questions to myself, Why? Why wasn’t nobody noticing the pain in my eyes ? The scars on my side? And the reason my body hurts is cause we just kids playing out side? That was all just a lie . Pills in my system to kill the pain in side , weed at thirteen I was young high school feens keeping me high . Cried to a million faces that shit still hurt deep in side I had to swallow my pride , run away and hide . Mental hospitals tryna tell me I’m crazy knowing this ain’t right . The world was so blind , Eighteen years of struggle when my light gone shine. Tell my friends and they respond “god damn”. “God damn” was the main reason I was tryna see to the end. Nobody to talk to , no one on my side. Mama telling me I’m stupid that she should’ve aborted my life . Daddy trapped in a sick world losing his mind luxurious cars and pretty TVs was the rule of the game anything with depression you was a fool to the brain, got called stupid if spoken on your pain. Silently suffering under water tryna resist all the chaos cause the future ain’t feel pretty, just shitty. Spending years stuck looking for love, my heart just dust all I wanted was some parents to hug a mom with unconditional love cause daddy gave no fucks a game of tick-tack always remained the last box alone. No one to call home Mary j. Blidge run away love mentally gone a glob of black paint drowning my brain every body smiled but I cried today, I tried today, no I love you's , living in a world of fuck you's , but no fuck you . My mouth is spoken, my palms is open speaking the truth of a mental fucked up past . Being a victim of rape at a very young age , Never was the reason to my sexuality a confident women here I stand in front of the world and raise my left hand. It’s hard being a lesbian in a world of strays , mistreatment and hatred getting called out my name . Afraid of what society would say or if my mama found out she gone beat the breaks off me . Maybe tell me to go cause in black family’s “we disgusting little hoes” . Pick up the Bible and proceed to praise you think the god you serve accept you talking about gays? If we both don’t make it to heaven that would kind of be strange . My mom said HER god loves all , so why deny me? The Christians they lack empathy. The god you serve is watching you sink . The way the world go it’s circles like a wind you might end up here always heavy bends. The unacceptance of fitting into reality doesn’t belong to me, made me realize I have to shine like gold . This world is to cold wanting love but steady feeling hatred you don’t like my sexuality so you hurt me till I can’t take it . My mind going crazy hearing faded , repeat to me again “You disgusting ass bitch , yo brother has no kin”. Why? cause I’m a “faggot?” Come on say the word . Yell at me and tell me you leaving. I corrupted his life for talking about rights. I’m not a “dyke” I’m a proud lesbian with a deep open mind . Just because I’m gay doesn’t affect a kids way, why don’t you think of your self? You straight & I'm gay but, because I’m comfortable you disown me. 12/2018 was a message plan turns out crazy when you supposed to be here, tried to make a change but the pills didn’t give dropping to the toilet, my fingers clinching with rage . Yelling in the house screaming “Why not today?”. That B on my side is what keeps me alive . Connected to my grandma , Bradan is the reason I shine . Corrupted life a walking penny but the world seems blind couldn’t notice my pain even when making it visible through eyes. Weakened to the knees my body sunk like a grave , wondering how could a billion of people not notice me. Maybe writing “depressed, killer or suicidal” in big red ink I process to think a person has to notice me . Purposeful slips in public in hopes of concern small little giggles and not even a “you okay?” This world is so twist and blinded with false acts . I killed my self 25 times , but physically is double that cause the blazes wouldn’t glide . It ain’t physically cause my eyes open wide you see but mentally my mind was a imprisonment , every day trying to make sense of it . Afraid to speak my truth scared to make a fool . Thank you to a angel for holding my hand even when it wasn’t physically you was the first person to notice my twisted ends . A lot of people wouldn’t understand I had some “friends” Never had one say , “You falling again?. My world is very different . I’m cautious on friends , thank you to the person who told me wait a little longer . Years went by , storms seem colder , whooshing winds through the breeze . Every day dropping down to my knees . Continuously wondering why the light seems so dark and time seems so short stuck in a maze , scared to gaze . I appreciate that one person she helped me breathe , everyday being told to “wait a little longer” . She said “baby girl your storm gone be over”, impatiently waited while screeching the pin on paper waiting at 5 am just before the sun began to rise snotty tears drenched from my eyes . i waited in the bathroom , smoking papers getting high . Overthinking kills , my soul is on fire , fuel to my flames . Like a crumbled paper slowly falling piece by piece . Every piece that falls i count 1, 2, or 3 , Not physically paper , but my hands they don’t pass four , steady at three . Hyperventilating cause i can’t breath this time it wasn’t a suicidal threat . My body was exhausted tired of fighting them demons, my body knew i was breaking i still get to shaking . Just keep thinking bout that angel who told me to wait. how i know she cares if i never seen her face , made her a promise no self harm today . I lied maybe three times but that was back in the day . February 3 i mixed it up . Never told my story and now i speak up . I speak up on my life . I speak up on my trauma , i speak up on the countless years i spent on depressing, seeking for help to ignored the messages i wanted to die . I speak on the numerous amounts of cries with faces scrunched up ignoring the signs . i speak on the times i asked for help might not have been direct but the amount of hugs i wanted and got rejection. Neglected, mental hospitals cause my life was hectic. i ain’t sick i just needed some acceptance. yeah im grown but this message is hectic , when you read this think of all the lives that’s been rejected , suicides getting hectic , some stronger than others cause they know this world get reckless . Raising hands being for a hint . what kids do to deserve a life like this? it’s them generational curses that’s got this world so broken . Ain’t no love, so innocent lives getting broken , to young to die , living hopeless. This world is a shit totally broken . i speak my truth to the adults who seen children cry countless times , treat them like shit now bodies on the news . U dropped down to your knees so surprised something i won’t forget . I gotta save the world or ima have a fit , the world is corrupted but ima fix each soul that ain’t had love yet . the ones who hug pillows so you can’t hear the cries cause either she’s really hurting or dug 5 more times gotta wear a 2 long sleeve shirt to school cause the blood seeks through ur shirt . Screaming so you don’t kill your self cause your eyes so tight the pain hurts inside , knowing your strong but still feel buried alive . this for the souls not being able to talk about suicide cause family’s don’t know how to take time and make it right call them Mental hospitals , say we sick in side . A kid ain’t just bad watch the pain not through the eyes . The voice, movement , moments and thoughts that remains to hide . The damaged has spoken . i speak my voice , i speak my truth . I speak on the gays who feel so astray cause families say it’s sick to love a certain way. I speak on the innocent ones who lost their lives , the pain was so unbearable they couldn’t water the seeds , Weaked to the knees , towels laying on the bathroom floor with knives thinking countless times why can’t nobody see me . They couldn’t tell they story unbearable cries . This for MY Lgbtq community afraid to speak truth , afraid to leave the house , Afraid to be you cause everyday we wake up the first thing on our mind is fear . Afraid to step out side cause the world so sick they want to hurt our trans , it’s not safe in here . This society is fucked up with a lot of secrets to hide , we never talk ab traumas bundling em all inside . Speak ur truth & shine into the light . Trauma is a topic that needs to be discussed , especially with the LGBTQ community the world gets tough . a closed book that i couldn’t read . but one day i hope my story opens up , this is me speaking on my traumas for the first time in life . it’s hard being a young black lesbian queen in a world so cold , thinking lesbians got it easy until you hear degrading terms that upsets you but scared to give reaction cause it might get hectic . when u walking in public and your palms is sweating cause a man just walked up to you and said “aye baby what’s happening” slowing declining the offerer because you don’t know if they’ll walk away or beat your head in . Afraid to speak my truth cause ion wanna bullet to my brain . being a homosexual is feeling the pain of a trans cause your more scared for them because a evil straight man can’t walk hand in hand and respect the boundaries of my homosexual friends . being a homosexual is not being able to spend long hours outside cause your afraid somebody is watching you today . being a homosexual is afraid to interact with the public cause last night two same gender roles went for a date not knowing they gone get shot cause they gay . these are traumas we (I) deal with every day , but you can’t show the world your weakness cause now a day these men are strange . i gotta cover my face to walk around safe , Trauma is afraid to get out of your car so you sit for 5 mins to contemplate if it’s safe . Trauma is telling a person no as they proceed to follow you with harassment to the car . Trauma is saying you relate to me but have no idea what it takes to be me, this shit deeper than anything . Trauma never goes away even when the depression fades , fear never changes , hearts continue to races , anxiety never fades struggling to control your body to relax but your feet keep ticking and sweat is dripping off your back . Trauma doesn’t mean your depressed , it means you woke up and smiled but afraid of the world because the experience of pain . Trauma is a struggling growth i work with every day , it never goes away but it’s good to speak on your pain
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"Until you get comfortable with being alone you'll never know if your choosing someone out of love or loneliness" -Mandy Hale
Most people feel like there obligated to deal with a person out of their loneliness and wants that individual to fulfill their comfort of happiness or they choose that person out of love. Don't be that person who depends on someone for your "happiness", that's not happiness nor love. When we're lonely we tend to fall for anything we're hoping what ever person walks into our lives are everything. When we're lonely we become vulnerable or gullible, we feel like we need someone else to step in to pick us up but let me tell you that is false. I used to deal with people out of the fact I used to hate being alone I craved having someone's presence whether it was one person or multiple people I was lonely and my only comfort was dealing with multiple people it was almost like a set up at life because during that while I was only loosing myself. I became depend on having people as my happiness later realizing its good to be a introvert you don't need to choose some one out of loneliness to be your own comfort. Being lonely is important its where we find our strength and self worth its important to know how to pick yourself up when you are falling. I started focusing on the things that were important to me now I'm more content with being alone with myself. Growing up, I was always different from my other siblings. I was the comical kid, extremely loving, friendly, the most sociable. Throughout my elementary years, I would have inner thoughts that only I'd understand, visions only I'd see and I dreamed very big! Being the girl who was always the family comedian, setting up shows in my grandma house for "The Caiya Talent Show,". Singing was always my passion. Rihanna was my favorite idol of all times. "Umbrella" and "Unfaithful" had been my favorite songs for many years, those were the only songs I'd perform. She definitely was my role model. Meanwhile, that beautiful "Star" (my family nickname) was also the little girl with hidden secrets. Lots of secrets.
I always pushed to keep fighting my hardest battles but I didn’t understand how I'd fight so hard and nothing ever changed. Being a fighter looking back at my childhood days, yet, now eighteen, I can finally speak the words “I am strong” and recognize the signs of depression and anxiety. My depression and anxiety developed around six years of age. Knowing I wasn’t that kid who was “perfect” in the eyes of those who knew me. Nobody is ever perfect but staying calm, learning to hide in a shell, kept my PERFECT appeal. During my elementary years, I began trying to avoid depression, traveling into a mental state of mind. Into middle school, I spiraled downward going into a reckless phase. Breaking out of my "shell" came the development of bad energy from others. Not understanding enough, I was better off keeping my distance. So did my enlarged inappropriate habits, getting into lots of trouble, selfish and overthinking life. Let's just say, "my middle school years created a drastic change in me." I was getting involved with illegal substances (marijuana, pills, etc.) just to keep my depression from taking the best of me. Hanging with a couple of upper classmen, clueless that they weren't a good influence towards me. But back then I thought they were. Acting out in school, grades failing drastically. Awhile, I thought my future was over repeating. Thinking to myself "I'll never be nothing!" Being that so many people told me that same line, it became embedded into my brain, exactly the words they'd spoken. It became so bad my mom finally gave in and let me leave her residence eighth grade summer to reside with my father. Going to Arkansas with my father gave me the perception of thinking life was going to be better for my mother because she didn't have to deal with all my non-sense I was putting her through everyday. But, she never understood what I was going through. She knew I was a disobedient child, who deserved consequences. In all truth, I was trying to get somebody to really understand me but from her perspectives she figured I was "being grown". Of course, I knew the consequences it was causing me for my actions but I never understood how could my teachers, friends, or relatives not notice a hurt child. Even though I tried leaving that horrible state of rage by leaving Georgia, I’d found myself digging back into the same holes when I arrived in Arkansas. Well eventually I just stopped caring more and repeated my actions. Hoping if I continued these same actions, someone would notice me. Eventually, I decided it was time to stop doing what I was doing since others thought it was attention grabbing not knowing I was mentally, physically and spiritually drained from life itself. I tried to leave some of that negative energy alone but it somehow traveled every where I’d go. You may ask “Why did I put myself through this?” Well I was a child seeking for help with no acceptance of open arms. I was a child asking for questions without listening to guidance. So I started feeling like I had to just say forget everything. Giving up on being social, my eating habits were terrible, losing weight tremendously, couldn’t sleep, becoming distant, leaving pain staking scars on my body, attempted suicides. It almost felt like it was normal repeating the same routine pattern for many years knowing it was very unhealthy. Dealing with all these symptoms was a feeling of overwhelmed fear. I was unable to look people in the eyes, struggling to keep a conversation going. I came off as quiet and distant as well as rude. Anyone who knows me now will tell you, "I’m the total opposite." During, that point in my life my self confidence was low, feeling disgusted every time I’d see a mirror or look down at my skin with scratches and bruises, feeling the embarrassment within myself. Hearing voices in my head saying harsh words, making me almost believe those things I was hearing. I’m very grateful to say now turning eighteen things have been better. Even though I still deal with minor struggles, I don’t let them get the best of me. I did small things which felt like big things to me. Focusing on what I loved, was a true start for me. Writing and doing poetry, pushing myself to become a little bit more social. Even though I’m still an anti-social pessimist, I don’t fear speaking anymore. I found my comfort zone within myself which helped me push through my depression and anxiety. Long gone were the numerous nights I’d stay up for hours and cry. I’ve certainly grown up. However, things aren’t always perfect. It was a long painful journey that built to my success. I can say proudly I’ve cut out all negative energy that was going on in my life and I finally put my mental health first. It took me way too many years to become this person and I don’t want to ever revert back to that old person I once was then. The young woman I am now is phenomenal, smart, beautiful and kind. And, she wants to help anybody out there who feels alone. Who feels like the world is over. Who feels like they have nobody to talk too or comfort them. Remember, you are not alone. I once was you and I wish to share my story with every generation to help another person save themselves from experiencing the horrific life I experienced. So, for those of you out there, I promise things will get better. Just keep pushing! Don’t give up! Stay in the fight! Tomorrow is always better than the day before! If you need a spoken voice, a hand to hold, an ear to listen; I’m always here for guidance, reassurance and comfort. No matter what, I stand with you!! You shall survive!! WE SHALL OVERCOME Yesterday, I had a very realistic conversation that I would like to share with you all. Someone asked me "How do you do it!" I didn't quite understand her blatant statement. As we traveled further into conversation, she was asking me, 'How did I gain confidence within myself?" I explained to her in order to find happiness it all starts within you, not other people. YOU!
You have to be the one to remind yourself you are beautiful, you are kind, you are smart, you're everything you have ever dreamed. Don't be the girl who depends on others to determine your worth in ones self. It wasn't easy, I once upon a time used to be the person who depended on others approval. I felt if I didn't look like her, I was ugly or if I didn't dress like that, I couldn't dress. As, I grew older I didn't understand the values of being myself. Many years, I used to be the girl who wanted to follow into the crowds and do what everybody else was doing reaching the age of sixteen. I had to understand following the crowds wasn't cute. It made me regular just like them. I wasn't the person I am now. Explaining to her, in order to "do it" you have to be able to let somethings go not everything needs to be followed. Stop trying to put on this image you have to be naked all the time for attention or you have to wear your hair in a certain style or you have to wear loads of makeup on your face to be "pretty". I'm not saying wearing revealing clothing is bad because its not bad. Its good to have confidence in yourself where you are proud to show your skin that's beautiful, but wear it because your not ashamed too. Wear makeup because you like makeup not because you look at the fact that everybody approves of you in makeup. Do it because its what you like! Don't worry about how those other girls look. YOU are what matters! Stop letting the negative comments of others bring you down. No matter your shape, size or looks your beautiful. Stop trying to add to yourself to gain attention. Being yourself is what deems you worthy of attention, not being somebody your not. If you like it, do it. Wear it. Style it. Make it you! So again when you ask, "How do you do it?" You remember that it is OK because its what you like. The problem with our generation is that we lack depth and that's everything. We try to put on this smile we're someone we're not because we listen and view all these false acts and we think its the normal. We indulge into ignorance instead of the truths. We forget to love one another instead of loving each other. We indulge in drama and hate towards others. We forget to show others respect and not even respect to ourselves, my "love" becomes my "bitch". We're afraid to show true feelings because we feel like if we show feelings were weak individuals. We don't look for real "role models" we look for celebrities. We don't discuss ideas instead we insult ideologies and we create intolerance. We don't have real "dreams" celebrity lives become our dreams. So to explain what's wrong with our generation again; we've grown into a world where everybody is brainwashed from the views of others and even accept the wronging's we are setting our self up for. I suppose "depth" has become a relative term. Really, it's just a way I'd describe someone who puts more thought into others than our self. Someone who lacks self awareness, and the adversity of life. Stop lacking depth and open your mind into the truth about reality.
"The most important thing is being passionate about what you're doing and always give it your all. That is the key to success" - Charlie White
You may hear everyday "Be passionate in what you do." Being passionate in who you are goes a long way, being passionate within your work is very different. Determination is key to keep striving towards who your trying to be. Most of us don't know our own passion because we feel as if we will not accomplish, we hold ourselves back fearing the unknown. Trust me, I know. Years ago, I started writing and doing poetry. Then, I stopped. Feeling as if nobody would notice my passion. I had given up on my desires and dreams in who I dreamed to be. I gave up those dreams because I had not realized the meaning of passion in one's self. Later, the realization of what passion truthfully was arose to the surface. Passion is not about how others view you, or how others think about your work. It's all about what you think. Passion has no requirements to constantly reminding myself "don't stop ". My purpose and passion are found. Realizing what I was put here for, I began pursing my passion towards writing and poetry. Always reminding myself I'm NOT a failure. Upon the appreciation of accepting my gifts, I planned and stayed committed to my work, I didn't care if nobody read my blogs. I didn't care how others thought of me. My concern was in pursuing what I loved and it stuck with me. When you are passionate about your work it should be something that's meaningful, that makes us feel complete and elevates us. Take pride in everything you do! Stop worrying about whether or not you will not get enough recognition, enjoy the fulfillment. If you love it, Do it. You don't need validation. Do what makes you happy and what comforts you. Take passion in your work! When your passionate in your work you start to feel more satisfied and less stressed when doing it. Not only your mind, but your body feels more relaxed. Your willing to put in extra efforts which makes you go beyond what's actually needed by you. Until an individual finds their passion, I recommend staying committed and be prepared for whatever lies ahead. Keep going! Press forward! Refuse to quit! Reach deep! There are many ethnological acts that are going on in today's society that not many of us speak on because they are a afraid, their afraid to say how they feel so they shut themselves in a closed door. I was always told "a closed mouth doesn't get fed", so why not speak on what I feel because we are entitled to our own opinions. Unfortunately, we live in a world where we're depicted by our skin color, sexuality, appearances, or how we dress. Why not just a "human-being" with out any labels attached? Racism is a big deal in today's society and has been for many years and it's only getting worst. Innocent human beings didn't get a say so on what skin color their going to be. This world was not created for a bunch of uncivilized human beings to start wars between each other, this world was "supposed" to be founded on equalities and opportunities. Instead, some of us face many hurdles because of who we are, and the depiction of our skin tones. I used to question myself like "Why are people so hateful towards each other race?" When we all could really educate each other with so much history within ourselves. One thing I've found out is that people take on views from the people around us, or they only hang around people associated within their ethnicity because they hear all these harsh things about other races and they've grown to dislike us/them. I mean its nothing wrong with the fact people want to hang with someone who has the same interest as them, culture, background, etc. What makes it wrong is because they feel like their better than everybody. They set up indifferences between each other and they feel like some one owes them something. The toddlers, elementary kids in school don't know the difference. They play with all the kids on the playground, to them it doesn't matter. You know why? We are all the same in their eyes. Why take a innocent child and brainwash their minds into all these bad thoughts, that makes them feel hatred and they look at the world differently. Racism plays a extreme role in today's society. I myself, disparage racism with a passion. I have come to learn that we create dislike based upon fear of our differences. You take the lives of a innocent female or male and make them feel as if they have nothing to live for. We ask why so many mass murders? well let me tell you, that is exactly how large we can manifest taught hatred! You have every reason to live, love, and learn from any individual! Don't stop your goals or accomplishments for the ignorance of another individual to tell you, "you won't be anything" because you will be everything. You are loved, appreciated, worthy and so much more. Keep being you and keep loving the skin you are in even if everyone hates it. I LOVE IT! Then, you look at the way others dress or physical appearances. We feel as if we're obligated to make others feel comfort, laughter, or joy. It is the very opposite. We must teach others that respect is not a compromise. We criticize for just about every thing they do. Rather it's your style of dressing, your indifferences within yourself towards others, etc. We all try to find happiness for others so we tend to switch up our looks, friends, views. We are actually hiding the fact of who you are. So we try to change our differences as an individual. Stop trying to change yourself or hide yourself because someone doesn't like it, well forget them. They don't have to like you as a person! It's all about YOU liking yourself as a person, let them talk about you but don't let them disrespect who you are. It's your skin: live in it, laugh in it, be unapologetic it's who you want to be. Quit trying to live for someone else and start living for you. Today, I'm still learning how to live for myself. But what I have learned is me being indifferent is okay, expanding looks/styles is okay. Embracing who I am as a person is okay. So be okay with those people who tell you "your ugly", "your weird", "your incomplete" and any other word they try to use to belittle you. Don't be okay with diminishing yourself. You were born for a purpose, and that purpose wasn't to be criticized for what you are. You were born to create, to be different, to be appreciated and if not by anyone else, to be appreciated by yourself. So many people live their life stuck in a nutshell because of what others expect, start standing up for yourself and speaking out. What you say matters. I always told myself "I'd rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not". As I enter this atmosphere it guides me with so much joy I smile within my soul as if I can finally breathe it almost feels like I’m walking on top of the world speaking aloud saying “I’m finally free". The motivation to guide me towards the right decisions. That place I feel most content would be my room or outside with nature, we all need a happy place in life to understand ourselves after facing a tough day.
My place of happiness maybe different from others and not as interesting as it seems but it is a part of my life I can never go without and will always mean the world to me. I was once told it’s easier to express yourself through a message if you can’t express yourself verbally through speaking. Lying there is a pencil and a paper ready to embrace my inner being. The part that I like the most is when I grip my pencil and gather my thoughts. Since I was a little girl I’ve always had an admiration for nature, I’d grab a chair to sit by the window to see the sun shine and listen to the sound of the birds chirping in the morning singing peaceful lullabies letting life lift so much weight off my shoulders as if the birds were telling me, “It’s not over”. The reason I chose my room for my place of happiness is because it’s almost like I’ve traveled to another dimension nothing but peace and quiet and the sound of my pencil gripping. I can uplift my soul and gladly feel all my worries leave from my body. When I sit in my room it’s what I call “Dream’s World” it’s a place I call home, when I’m sad I have somewhere to go. In my room there hangs a picture on my wall and it hangs a flag, the flag symbolizes LGBT when I look at that flag I think of all the reasons I can smile and how others used to let me down now I no longer have a frown it leaves me with joy filled inside. Simple things bring me peace and inspirations especially when a girl like me looks at the sun and shines her heart with gold. Just like a normal bedroom should be, it’s not just a normal bedroom it’s a place I call my fantasy and I can focus on my inner being. I find myself more deeply in love with nature than anywhere else it’s a place I escape from a noisy world giving me the courage to look within the universe filling my brain with passionate, beautiful creativity that many human beings don't seek to their knowledge, they think basic but not me. I think creativity like the water in the blue ocean that swooshes across the beach so peacefully, Nature makes me so happy, it takes all of my pain away. Even in those small moments I’m my purest self and no one can take that away from me. I don’t see it much as nature but more of a nest a diary that records all the emotions and memories with a pencil lying in my hand proceeding to write a story or poetry in whom I call my very own best friend. These are the places that feel me with content holding me with so much meaning even when I feel lost I find these places to uplift me feeding into my introspect wrapping gentle words around my brain, saving my inner being and finding the real me. Giving me enlightenment to my soul sharing with the universe my thoughts except it’s all written in a notebook. Except for today I got to share a part of me with you and that’s why I called it “My Happy Place”. Daisy lived in Happy Valley with many other animals and birds. Because she loved colors and showed a real talent for art, she went to Nature's Art School on the hillside above Sparkling Pond. She and the other boys and girls worked hard to draw and paint beautiful pictures. Daisy's painting were filled with light and bright, pretty colors. They seemed to reflect Daisy's cheerful personality. She became very popular with others.
Then one night something terrible happened. Someone broke into the Art Room and vandalized Daisy's biggest painting. Dark, ugly paint was thrown all over the light, pretty colors. Blobs of awful red, deep green, dark brown and black dripped over it. Daisy felt terrible, as though someone had destroyed her also. She stopped painting. She even stopped talking to the others in school. After all, none of them had their painting destroyed. She didn't laugh anymore, but sat in the corner and cried. The teachers worried about her more every day. One evening, after everyone else had gone to their homes up and down Happy Valley, Daisy sat on the porch beside her painting. Every time she looked at the ugly colors, she hurt all over again. Suddenly Wise Owl drifted out the woods on silent wings. She flew up to the railing beside Daisy and looked at the ruined painting. Daisy hid her face in her hands and cried again. "My painting is ruined," she sobbed. "I can never paint again." Wise Owl clicked her beak in sympathy, then looking carefully at the painting said, "I think it can be fixed." "How?" cried Daisy. "Look at all these ugly, terrible colors." Wise Owl turned her head this way and that. Then she reached out a sharp claw and drew through a glob of deep red paint. Daisy watched, surprised out of her tears. She picked her brush and said, "Oh, I think I see what you mean." A splash of dark green became leaves under her brush, a vine trailing over a rock that grew out of a blob of black paint. Wise Owl nodded to herself as Daisy forgot her, attention focused on the painting. Daisy didn't even know when Wise Owl flew off through the evening. Several evenings later, Wise Owl flew out of the Big Woods again. This time, Daisy looked up and waved at her. "Come see what I've done," she called. Excitedly, she showed Wise Owl how she had transformed the ugly darkness into shadows, into mountains, into rocks and into logs. The bright, pretty colors showed up much brighter with the dark colors beside them. The painting was becoming clearer and more beautiful as Daisy gladly worked on it. Wise Owl nodded to Daisy. "I see you have the idea. Bad things happen to all of us. We have to decide what we will do with them. The dark colors made your painting much more interesting. It was a terrible thing to have done to you, but good has come out of it." Daisy turned back to her work, feeling better than she had in days. In the days and weeks that followed, Daisy began talking to the others. She found that terrible things had happen to many of them also. Sometimes, she sat with the others in the evenings while Wise Owl perched on the railing and talked to all of them. As time passed, Daisy's paintings became more beautiful than before. People came from miles around to look at them. Daisy told them about the terrible thing she had gone through and how it had changed her paintings. Now, they glowed with both light and dark colors. As she talked about her tragedy, Daisy helped others bring good out of bad things. Her beautiful paintings showed the lessons she had learned and were a help to all who saw them. I've come to realize that people will take advantage of you! They will continue using your kindness for their gain or letting you down. The simple fact is "your letting them." Never allow a person to feel like they have control over you. The more you offer, the more they feel obligated to use you. When you need them, they magically disappear out your life. These are called "toxic" individuals. Toxic is the degree to which a substance can damage an organism. If someone is causing damage to your life you need to remove them immediately. It hurts to remove toxic people but in the end you will feel better. It's all about drawing the line. Letting others know just because your a nice, caring person don't let them take your kindness for weakness. Here are a few simple tips of when to remove toxic people out of your life:
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AuthorDream Archives
February 2020
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