Imagine being the girl who was one of the living but inside thought she was feeling like one of the dead. Thinking there was no hope and she was hanging by the thread, that girl was "me." The girl who waited for almost seventeen years of her life to find herself finally, at peace.
The Walks of My Life were never easy it took many nights of cries but it also took many nights of faith, losing friends, cutting off family members just to find myself. I had to understand that for mental and physical peace to be obtained, unnecessary people that were existing only to make my struggles harder, had to be released from my life completely. Friendships with people I thought I could entrust my heaviest secrets to; to find out later they weren't who they claimed to be. Finding out what was best for me, even when my mom told me to listen, now I understand why. She said those things because in the end she knew it would hurt me. I was too foolish to listen. Spending my entire adolescent an teenage years; searching for happiness, chasing my idle dreams, addictions, religions to find out who I am as a person and what I believed in and meditating every day to enlighten my soul. I woke up one morning weirdly feeling so alive as the sun bloomed through my sunroom. The spring leaves blowing as the birds sung good morning lullaby's to me. Knowingly, it was a sign I was finally liberated. As if it filled me right to the essence of my soul, I knew from that moment my doors had been opened. My cries turned into smiles. Depression left my body. Life had found its way to give me hope. Nothing remains to stand in my way. I was a dove flying with happiness, only exception, I hadn't grown wings, but strength. Finally, I embraced my tears of complete joy, knowing it was all so bona fide. God knew what he was doing and he saved my life. Life is a struggle but its a battle you conquer for the perseverance to face happiness, find yourself within and your peace of mind. Every time you feel down, remember me as the girl who never left your side.
1 Comment
Khayla
10/11/2017 05:42:37 am
I will stay trying to imagine you by my side when I feel sad. Despite the lullaby of the birds I also hear & the sun gleaming on my brown skin, sometimes I still feel unhappy, incomplete, lost. This process of finding ones self is like a roller coaster but I am still on, & like you I also hope to soon find peace.
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